These past 2-3 years or so I have been trying to change my view on my marriage, my friends, on parenthood, but mostly on myself....I think I used to be too dependent on others and what they thought of me as a wife, mom or friend....I used to morph myself into someone I really wasnt just to fit in with the group (any group)....I used to rely on others to make me happy (which really never happened)....I used to think my happiness came from my husband or others (which is crazy)....I never really had an identity outside of me as a mom, me as a wife, me as a friend to too many....if you asked me 3 years ago who Elisa was I honestly couldnt tell you, because I didnt know who she was.....I had lost sight of myself....I had turned into someone who I was not happy with....and at that point in time didnt know how to get myself back....until events over a summer finally made me realize I was tired of living the unreal me...and needed to get back to who I really was....get back my family that I wanted....get back my best friend that I missed way way too much....I realized that I need to be happy with me and that others could accept me for who I was or dont...but either way it was no skin of my back!
So through this journey I randomly stumbled upon a couple of books while browsing the internet that have helped me get back to me...
A few months ago I read this one called the "Secret Lives of Wives" By Iris Kransow:
...I read a little review and blurb about it and was interested...so I bought it to read on my Ipad....I loved the book....really loved the book...it was a hard nosed honest truth about marriage....that yes its hard...yes there are many ways to live it....but the 100% truth to it...is that you as a person need to have your own identity outside of the marriage....that you can not rely on your partner for your happiness....that happiness is made only by you (not by other people)....once I accepted this you can not believe how much my life has changed....I remember just a few years ago I was constantly waiting for my husband to come home...only wanted to spend time with him...or as our family unit...I was constantly pissed off at the world for keeping him late at work (even though he has a 1.5-2 hr commute one way...so on average he is gone 12-13 hrs a day at work or commuting to and from).....I was pissed off that he was not here to help....but then after reading this book...I realized that I can not be that person anymore...he is not the source of my happiness...I am...I am the ruler of my happiness...my life....my choices....I realized I was a person who deserved to be happy...who deserved to do things that made me happy...whether that be spending time with my husband or with my kids, or as a family....or it was going out to have a girls night....I was the one who made these choices and could not be stuck in a holding pattern....that I had to be my own person as well as a wife....this book was an eye opener....and I recommend to anyone who is in the trenches of marriage and needs a good look at it and yourself!
So last night I went on to bn.com to find me a book to read....thinking it would be one from the usual list of authors, but I happened to see this one "If It Was Easy, They'd Call The Whole Damn Thing a Honeymoon" By Jenna McCarthy:
I was intrigued by the title alone...so I read some of the reviews and said what the hell might as well....I started it last night and just about died laughing within minutes (especially at one story given to her by another wife...I busted out laughing because Ive had this fight over im before)....I love her humor (vulgar as it may be) about marriage....its soo true...I can relate to it...two people living together day in day out will make anyone insane or want to throw something at someone in the heat of the moment...but also realizing that I am in the trenches til death do us part...that the grass is not greener on the otherside....its just as messed up as mine is...I am only about 50 pages in and thought it was worth sharing already...it has my full attention...and can not wait pick up where I left off!
I hope you may enjoy either of these as much as I have!
Elisa
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