I am my own worst enemy

I am my own worst enemy....I have this voice inside my head that tells me all the time that I am crazy to do some of the things I am doing....that I am not good enough....I am not a good mom...wife....friend....just overall not good....that I am too type A for my own good....its an evil voice!

This is a battle I am engaged in daily....from the time I wake up until the time I go to bed....I don't want to get up at 5am or 6am....who the hell does....but I am up....when I go workout getting through the warm up is crucial....and especially when I am outside....there are soo many times I just want to turn around after the 5 minute mark and say enough is enough....I am crazy to think that I can actually pull off completing a half marathon yet alone a full marathon.....

Then the biggest one....I am not a good mom....that I know I need improvement on....my patience is very little if any....even though my kids do not go to daycare during the day....I can not devote my 100% attention to them....I have to work....to bring in money for our family....otherwise we would not have a food on the table....or some of the luxuries that we are used to....which isn't much....but we like them nonetheless....I feel like Syd is lacking in areas that Breyden already knew at her age....and I think up ideas of what we need to do during the day (especially this summer)....but those ideas are never acted on....cuz the reality of life kicks in and by 3:30pm I am done....I need a break....which doesn't exactly happen.....

I am too Type A for my own good....I have lists for home, for work....and I am obsessed with being able to cross things off on my list(s).....I am too OCD with my house and need to have clean(ish) every day.....

Each day I fight this battle with myself...and at the end of every job...project...time with the kids...I think to myself I did it...I actually did it...and I survived...

I know I am my own worst enemy....I am the one who can make or break me....and that is something I ultimately need to work on