6 months later and finally over the burnout

Last week the weather has been warming up....somewhat....meaning its not below zero anymore....the snow is on its way out....unless we get more....which is a real possibility....considering we had shovelable snow last year in May.....but with the weather warming up.....and the great thaw happening...I have been getting the itch to start running again....almost 6 months to the date that I ran my marathon.....

These past 6 months it has allowed me time to healing physically and mentally....training and running a marathon is not only a huge time commitment....but it drains you.....and towards the end of training I was getting burnt out.....I think that was mostly due to it was August when I was in my high mileage weeks and everyone else was enjoying late night bonfires and drinking....and I really couldn't participate....or if I had run a 18 miler....I was asleep on their couch by 8pm (true story it did happen).....and not only all that....but it was hot as hell out in August....I would rather run in the cold any date over 100 degree heat with high humidity.....

So by the time Oct 6th came around I was ready to get it done and over with....to cross that line....and take a break.....

But now that it has been some time...I can getting the itch again....so I ran 3 miles on the treadmill on saturday morning....and it wasn't awful....but its amazing that even though I have been doing other work outs I am no where near my endurance that I used to have.....but while running on the treadmill I didn't hate it....or dread it....and I am sure once I can get outside I will be back to where I was mentally last year.....I was quiet sore that day and Sunday....but adding in the extra T25 lower focus may have been a mistake.....

I am thinking about running another half this summer....probably the red white and boom again....and really wanting to PR if I do did....I am going to give myself another couple weeks of adding running into the mix and see what happens.....this summer will be hectic enough with all the other life things we have going on....I do not want to over commit myself to much else than that!

13 years later and still going strong

Wow!  I can't believe its been 13 years since we said "I do"....on that sunny 70 degree day in Virginia Beach on Jan 27, 2001 seems like a life time ago...so much has changed....yet so much has stayed the same.....we were young and in love....

We have grown so much in these 13 years together as husband and wife....we have been blessed with two beautiful children....we have lived in two different states together....we've had countless miles, oceans between us at times.....but that didn't matter.....we have been through our fair share of good times and bad times....things we have planned for and things we never saw coming.... we always faced them together....there were times that it just seemed to much for one of us to bare.... the other was there to carry us through it....I could not have done that with anyone else but you....

There has been so many memories made in our 13 years of us....and  there will be hundreds more to come....

I am truly thankful to have you in  my life....you put up with me and yet still love me....I could have not asked for a better partner to have by my side....to be the father of my children.....to walk by my side in this journey of life....

I love you to the moon and back

So What! Wednesday

Its's been a couple weeks, but it's that time again.....I am linking up again with Life After I Dew  to vent (aka bitch) about on So What!  Wednesday:

• My marathon is now over....it feels completely strange that its done...I am so glad I did it and I am glad its over....but its crazy I have been partially training for a year...and really training for the past 6 months....and now I have to figure out what's next
• During my training I figured I was a one and out for running a marathon...its a shit ton of work, time and pain....but 5 days post race....this lady has decided I will be running another (yes I am addicted)....I will not do one next year for two reasons...one the husband has mentioned he wants to possibly train for it (and we both can't train for a marathon with young kids) and two I want a summer to enjoy.....but 2015 you can bet I will put myself through the training again
• Last week the husband and I came up with a term for our daughter to describe her two very distinct personalities.....we came up with it on our way to get her from preschool and we were wondering who which Sydney we were going to pick up....either pretty piddy or shitty piddy.....trust me those nicknames fit her to a T
• My mom bought Syd a new coat....I can't take her seriously when she wears it....its a zebra patterned over sized pea coat.....she truly looks like a pimp waiting for her bitches and hoes....she is just missing the cane and hat with a feather
• I am not going to make it through puberty with my son....he got some cologne as a gift a while ago and he has decided to start using it.....worst smell ever.....and it must be a man thing to bathe themselves in it after a shower....I literally gag at night going into his room
• I couldn't be inactive any longer this morning....its been 10 days....I popped in a Shaun T dvd and go all sweaty....and holy shit I forgot how hard those videos are....but I also realized how much I enjoyed them!!

That's my crazy life in a nutshell....What are you saying SO What! to this week!

26.2 miles complete!!!

The TC Marathon has finally come and gone....26.2 miles complete....its really weird that its all over...as I was sitting on the couch on Sunday afternoon it just hit me that it was over....not the fact that I had just ran 26.2 miles a few hours earlier and was still physically not able to move normally....but just sitting there on the couch it hit me.....after a year of training and it was done!

The race itself had its highs and lows....and man those lows were hard....mostly mentally hard....trying to tell yourself you can do this when your body really just wants to be done....around mile 15/16 it got challenging for me....when you start thinking of the amount you have left it can be overwhelming to know that there is still 10-11 miles left....the way I handled the full marathon was to take it one water stop at a time...instead of thinking about 1 mile of 26 and so on.....also I was burning through my fuel a lot faster than I have planned.....running out of fuel or water is not something to play around with....once you let it go too far...its not something you can just play catch up on....thank god for the cliff shot area at mile 17....when I was at mile 21-23 they were rough too....you just hit "the wall" as its referred to.....you have run farther than you normally run in a training long run....and you just have to keep telling yourself there is only a few miles left and you've come this far....you can finish it now....

The highs were awesome....starting the race....the excitement and nervousness in the air....listening to the Star Spangled Banner right before the start is amazing....once you are start and seeing all the people there cheering anyone and everyone on is great!!!....I ran with a pace group....best thing decision ever....our pace leader was awesome....she instructed us that every water stop was a 30 sec walking break to make sure we got re-hydrated....there was also lots of funny stories that were told the entire time we were out there...she kept encouraging us the whole way....and especially towards the end when it got hard.....when we would come up to a larger cheer zone most everyone would shout...."here comes the 4:45 group...you're doing awesome".....also seeing people I knew out there on the course helped me immensely....not even knowing it they were at places along the course that I really needed it....seeing two neighbors at mile 16....helped me get out of my funk and push through those 5 miles....and then hearing my name at mile 22....seeing my kids, husband and another set of neighbors at mile 23 really turned it around for me....it gave me enough mentally to just run and get it over with....and finally seeing my parents about a half a mile from the finish.....and for all the people who followed me online and all the text and facebook messages that I received too....I can not say thank you enough for that....I am truly grateful for all your support!!!.....the finally high was crossing that finish line....knowing that I accomplished what I set out to do a year ago.....

My ultimate goal was the just finish this one....but I really wanted to be under 5 hrs....my official finish time was 4:42:10....I am so happy with my time....yes do I wish I was faster of course I do....but I was 18 minutes faster than 5 hrs....I finished it with only walking at the water stops.....overall it was a great experience!....I am happy I did it!

Pre-Race the kids saying good-bye

The starting line

The finish line....the Capital never looked so good

My finisher metal

I haven't fully decided if I am one and out....or if I will do another one in the future...I know I will not be doing one next year....I want a summer that I can enjoy a bit more than I did this past year....the husband has also expressed interest in possibly wanting to do the TC Marathon next year and both of us can not train for one at the same time until the kids are older....I know next year I want to do a couple halfs....halfs seem like a cake walk compared to a full.....so I honestly don't know yet if I will run another full....we will just have to see!

This shit is getting real

It's getting real now....I picked up my race packet and all my last minute things that I needed today....which wasn't much and all in the same place.....less than 2 days away.....I will be running my first full marathon....26.2 miles.....I am excited but also very nervous....I know I can do it....but it's still nerve racking.....I have one easy run left tomorrow morning....to get the jitters out....and then I will be planting my ass on the couch for the rest of the day.....

I have been planning for this day now for a year....and training for it since I was able to get back into working out after my surgery....and officially running again since April 2nd....its been a long journey....there were times I didn't know if I would make it to this point....bet after overcoming a injury in July and having some real shitty long runs in the hot humid month of August....I am as ready as I am going to be.....

I want to thank everyone who has supported me in this process....whether it was helping out with the kids, running with me, or coming to watch me on Sunday.....I especially want to thank my husband who has been by my side through this entire process....and has been my biggest supporter....and without his help with the kids every weekend I would have not been able to train for this....and I am truly grateful for his support for the better part of a year now!

Here's to 26.2 miles....because I am that (effing) crazy!

Basically sums it up!

This pretty much sums it up right now where I am mentally right now....with 9 days left....the jitters are starting to get to me when I have *time* to think about it....thankfully and not so thankfully I have not have a lot of time to think about it!

T-minus 3 weeks!

T-minus three weeks from yesterday and I will be running the TC Marathon....2 years ago I never once thought this was something that I wanted or felt the need to do....and trust me there are some days that I still question myself what the hell have I gotten myself into....but 2 years later here and after Saturdays run I am ready!

This past Saturday was my last huge long run....and what I labeled hell week....Saturday I ran 20 miles the longest I have ever gone and will go until October 6th....and I was able to run it with a group of people who are in the same boat as me.....and we were able to run the last 10 miles of the marathon on a out and back course....which was great to get another feel for "climb" on Summit Ave.....

Normally I run alone....for the most part except for the last couple long runs where I had company the last few miles which was greatly appreciated.....but since I normally run alone I am not a chatter....I just listen to my music and try to turn my brain off and not focus on the pain....but Saturday I ran with another lady who this is first marathon as well....and we hit it off and paced really well together....actually having someone to chat with made the 15 miles that we were together go much quicker....and it was rather funny by mile 16 we just stopped talking....it took to much effort to talk and we just ran in silence but we both knew we were in the same amount of misery as the other....

Now don't get me wrong I have no regrets of signing up for marathon.....no do I regret any runs or training....but there is a point after lets say 16-17 miles that it hurts....and you are just plain tired....and every 5 minutes you question yourself why the hell am I doing this.....but once you get to the finish line you forget those thoughts and look back at what you just did....see the accomplishment that you just completed.....so there are no regrets whatsoever

When I first signed up for this....I had lofty ideas that I wanted a certain time.....well since I was injured at the half and haven't really come back fully from that....I am going in with the my goal of just finishing it....yes I would love to be faster.....but I would also like to be able to walk afterwards....and I would rather cross the finish line with whatever time I get versus going to hard and not crossing at all!....I want my medal dammit!!!

So in less than three weeks....I will be running down John Ireland and seeing this site again.....and what a beautiful site it will be.....

Hardest thing I have done so far

Training for the TC Marathon this October is so far the hardest thing I have ever done.....right now its super hot and humid even at the ass crack of dawn its hotter than hell outside making it hard to breath let alone run.....

This past saturday was one of the longest runs yet (and there are two more coming besides the marathon itself).....I ran just over 14 miles and walked the last one home.....those last 3-4 miles were the hardest.....first because I ran it straight.....I did not stop.....and it was starting to get a lot warmer than when I started....I am so thankful for where we are living currently....I have a support system....a small group of runners who are willing to come out and run the last 3-5 miles with me.....and that is the best advice I have ever received.....even though I am not a talker when I run....having them with me helped me over come the extremely tired legs and the voice inside my head telling me to quit!

It's hard to explain to anyone why I am doing this....its is something I want to do....I want to prove to myself that I can do this....no I am not one of the fast runners and I never will be....I have no lofty ambitions of running a 2:30.....its about setting a goal and accomplishing it.....especially when my inner voice is telling I am f%*king crazy......and my legs are about to give out.....or the pain that does come afterwards.....its about overcoming all that and just finishing!

Pros vs Cons of working from home

This coming December will be the 5 year mark that I left my clinic job and switched to working from home....there are times that I miss the clinic atmosphere and the social interaction I got with my co-workers.....but for the most part working from home is awesome....and I don't know how I would ever handle having to go back into a real workplace that is not in my home.....

But when you tell people that you work from home they think its all sunshine and roses, for the most part its awesome and I would not change it for the world.....but as with everything there is a downside....here's the good and the bad of working from home:

Pro: Not having to commute to work, sitting in shitty ass traffic for sometimes hours on end
Con: Sometimes I feel like I never actually leave my work

Pro: No more daycare
Con: No more daycare....working with kids can be compared to walking a tight rope without a net....some days are good....some days are just plain shitty

Pro: Not having to get ready first thing in the morning
Con: Sometimes I don't take a shower until the afternoon, and I feel like live in my pajamas

Pro: Not having to wear make up or do my hair on a daily basis
Con: When I do actually wear it and do my hair the husband asks who I got ready for

Pro: I don't have to worry about wearing anything that is considered business casual....even though I normally used to wear scrubs to work
Con: I have a shit ton of nice clothes.....you should see my closet and I even buy more all the time, but I seem to fall back on only wearing comfy clothes....i.e. sweats or pajamas

Pro: I don't have to leave the house on a daily basis
Con: This past week I actually didn't leave the house for 4 straight days.....that may have been a little too long

Pro: I don't have to worry about packing a lunch
Con: Take out is non-existent, and having the fridge 10 feet away can lead to lots of snacking!

Pro: I don't have to deal with any drama in the "office"
Con: Sometimes my drama is my kids and the lack of adult interaction can make ya feel a little crazy and boxed in....and it can get real quiet here when the kids are in school....or not home!

I am very grateful for being able to work from home....and I wouldn't trade it for a thing.....but there are days that I would love to head in the office to feel like a "normal" person every once in a while!....but I know two seconds at the office I would want to head right back home to my office!

Goodbye Social Life....hello 5 am

After a great weekend of friends, laughs, beer.....hell even a couple tequila shots.....and staying up way too late.....its time to put that on hold for the next 47 days.....I am glad this past weekend happened when it did....and we partied like we were rock stars (yea right)....there were lots of memories made....but now as I look at my training calendar/schedule I need to buckle down......

I made the decision last week that I need to do most of my runs outside....the treadmill we have it just too hard on my knees....feet....overall just doesn't work that well....and buying a new one at this time....let's just say its not in the budget at this time.....so I will be waking myself up at the butt ass crack of dawn (and soon it won't even be dawn) to run during the week....so that the husband is home to sleep with the kids.....and then on saturdays my mileage will be increasing drastically over the next month.....what the hell did I get myself into?!

I ran just over 10 this past saturday and it felt good....I was able to run it straight without stopping...something I can't do on the treadmill we have....and if I would have a been a good girl and went to bed prior to midnight and not have gone to the MN Zoo the day before I could have ran the extra 2 miles I needed to....but alas my legs were giving out on me....and I figured I walked the other 2 miles at the zoo the day before....this coming weekend my goal is 15.....and then it goes up from there.....

So my late nights on the weekend will be coming to an end (even though it was only a weekend)....especially on friday nights....since staying up til midnight or later and trying to run 15-20 miles the next day does not work all that well together....

PS....anyone who is willing to run the last 4-5 miles with me on Aug 24th, 31st, or Sept 14th are more than welcome to shoot me an email or facebook message and I can discuss details with ya!....I do not expect anyone crazy enough to join me for the whole thing.....

Back on the staddle (so to speak)

I am currently 52 days out from the marathon.....yikes!  Last week was the make it or break it week.....everything I have read is that if you get injured you can make it back from a 3 week rest period....and that's the amount of time I ended up taking off....so far it is going well....

I started back in about 10 days ago....running last week at 50% of the weekly miles and this week I am at 75%.....I did a long run on saturday that was just under 8 miles....and it felt good....and shockingly the time was good as well....and it would have been faster if I wouldn't had to stop for a half marathon that was running the route I usually take for my long runs.....but it was awesome to see them in action.....and brought back why I want and love to run.....

Yesterday while running on the treadmill I now know why I like to be outdoors more often than indoors....it really sucks running inside.....and treadmill running is awful and plain damn boring.....I saw this quote online and it's so true....I watch the miles and minutes tick away on the damn thing even though I tell myself not too and just listen to my music....I CAN NOT help it.....and I can run faster and easier outside.....so today I will torture myself with another indoor run.....but tomorrow I will head outside for my run.....and starting next week I am once again be apart of the 5 am club.....I would rather get up early 3 days a week then struggle through a shitty run on a treadmill any day!

After getting back into my routine I am trying to concentrate on just logging miles....and not going for time....I am thankful right now that I can do this....and that is all I need....I am not a fast runner.....but at least I am doing it....and that is all that matters!

Here's to the next 52 days of training!
       
          

Moving Forward

This past year has been a proving point for me in so many ways....but mostly in relationships whether they are with friends or family....new or old....distance between people will either re-enforce what was already there...or it will fade away like so many things do

I have found myself in this situation too many times to count since I turned  21 and moved away to VAB from MN and back again 8 years later....it took a lot of work to keep the friendship of a handful of people from each place moving forward but we did it....we both made the effort to keep it going....we both were invested to learn what was going on in our lives....and if we were not separated by hundreds of miles we made the effort to see each other.....

But the flip side of the coin is that distance or just plain not trying can and will dissolve any form of relationship all to quickly.....it gets old being the one to always have to do the driving.....and assuming that we have to make the all the effort of just being there.....or being the one to always have to adjust our schedule to make it work and not seeing that done on the other side.....to me it doesn't matter if its a friend or family....it should just work....and not be work.....if it ends up being work....especially if there is guilt added to it....it is no longer fun....and its not something I want to be around.....

Even though people come and go in our lives all the time.....I am thankful for the few that have stuck around....they now who they are....and I am forever grateful to have you all in my and my kids lives....I love each one of you!!

Mouth of a Sailor

Yes I have a mouth of a sailor....I swear....I have been doing this since 5th grade....in fact I remember getting in trouble by my 5th grade teacher for swearing...I try to curb it around the kids....because I really do not need them dropping the f bomb in school or with their friends....that's a meeting I would like to avoid at all costs....but I know I will always swear....its part of who I am....

A funny (or not so funny depending on who you are) story a couple weekends ago we were running errands and Breyden was acting like an shit in the car to his sister....he is at the age were he's pushing limits (not like that has changed much since he was born....but it changes every so often as to what he wants to try to see what he can get away with)...and Andrew and I had had enough....so as I was telling him to stop and why he needed to stop....I stuttered over what I was going to say (mostly yell at that point) to him because I caught myself about to say something that no parent should ever utter to or at their kids.....But I'll be honest telling him he was being a rude, mean child....really did not have the same effect as saying you're being an asshole....in all honestly he really was being an ass....

Let's be honest kids are here to push buttons, see how much they can get away with...they can be just plain shits....I think its a contract they sign right before they are born.....and we as the parents have to keep our sanity as best we can and tell/show them that being an ass is not the way to be without actually calling them an ass or shit to their face!