3 years ago today...

You dart in and out of my life way too quickly...but the impact you had on me will never be forgotten. It has been 3 years since we lost you. The hurt and pain is no longer as sharp as it once was. I am healing, but I will never be 100%. There is always a hole in my heart that has been saved for you. I sometimes wonder what life would have been like if you had stayed, and wonder if you would have been a boy or girl. But than I see your sister Sydney and realize that she was given to us instead.

You were given to me to show me how strong I can be when faced with adversity. You showed me that I could pick up the pieces of my broken heart and soul. And that I can put it back together again, even when it seems impossible to do. Though it's not in the same shape as it once was, there are fine cracks that bare the wounds of a dream lost.

But now 3 years later knowing what I know now, I would not change what has happened. It seems crazy to admit that, but I was given many gifts by losing you. My bond with my husband and son was strengthened as we had to go through this together. I was given a beautiful and healthy daughter, who I am eternally thankful for. I can help other mom's who are going through similar situations, and you can bond with them since you know what its like to lose a dream.

This journey I have had to travel is what made me into the mom, wife, friend and person that I am today. This is something I would not change for the world. So I will remember you today, and think about what may have been. But I will also be thankful for what I was given in return.