You Might be a Mother of Small Children if....
- you actually think redoing your own bedroom in a Curious George theme would be kind of cute
- you'd rather have a bright new nightgown than a night on the town
- you can just barely remember a time when "getting lucky" meant something other than managing not to wake your sleeping baby as you crept past their door on the way to the garage to get a Diet Coke during nap time...Now that's lucky!
- watching other women get their hair blow dried at that WalMart salon as you push your cart full of kids and Fruit Loops by the window is as close as you'll get to being pampered this week
- you wish bra came in size 38 B/C because you right breast is now significantly larger than your left
- you can still zip you wedding dress all the way up...when it's on your left thigh
- there is a chalkboard in your dining room, a paper plate turkey in your kitchen, Polly Pockets in the bathtub and princess hair tie in your hair
- when your husband asks you what special things you want for your birthday, you tell him in all seriousness that you'd like Post-Its notes and Size 3 diapers
- you think Dora the Explorer toothpaste actually tastes pretty good
- you dont remember the last time you shaved your legs...in fact, you cant even find your razor
- you could feed 12 goats for a week with the cracker crumbs currently in your carpet
- you've ever signed a check with a green crayon
- there is a small piece of hot dog stuck anywhere to you right now
- you avoid looking in your babys diaper because if you look and see that its dirty, then you'll have to change it
- you wonder what the point of a bathroom door is, anyway
- you have first hand experience with what happens when a bottle half full with milk sits under the couch for 17 days....and it ain't pretty
- you're seriously considering asking for pop beads for Christmas because you think they are so fun
- you have ever pretended not to see one your children touch the toilet water
- you wonder if Diego has an older brother...and then you remember that you're married...and that Diego is a cartoon character
- you are all the way to Target alone in the car before you realize that Dr Suess's Storytime have been playing in the CD player
- without missing a beat, you can tell someone to please stop playing with their vagina at the dinner table, and then continue to butter your bread
- there is a 7th month old doing the finger slide on your IPhone right now, and you're just happy that she's entertained
- you run out of washrags and consider using you sexy lingerie so that at least you could get some use out of it
- you've ever had a dream about the Backyardigans
- when your husband says he is going to give you a really amazing night in bed, you hope he means that he's going to crash on the couch so you can sleep alone, because that sounds really amazing
- when in a pinch, you've ever used milk out of a sippy cup for your coffee
- you take off the sheets on your bed and discover 6 pretzels, 14 Lego pieces, 3 socks and a pair of footie pj's with a diaper still stuck in the foot...you cringe at the thought of what you'll discover when you the kids' sheet off their beds
- you dont bother feeding the dog since the baby does that job just from his high chair
- though you'll never admit it to your friends, you've discovered that you really like corn dogs
- you think the 5 second rule is so last year...you now adhere to the 5 minute rule and, sometimes, to the 5 hour rule
- you covet your neighbor's minivan
- you sound like you have Tourette's when you talk on the phone...."So, Sarah, do you and the kids want to meet up for - GET DOWN FROM THE FENCE RIGHT NOW - do you guys want to meet us at McDonald's for - NO YOU CAN'T! - for lunch at 11:30 as soon as we - DO NOT PUSH YOUR BROTHER DOWN ON THE TILE, OR ANYWHERE FOR THAT MATTER - get finished here?"
- you can tough your own nipples to your chin, or your bellybutton, whenever the mood strikes
- you used to look down at women who wore their maternity clothes when they weren't pregnant...now you look up to them because you only wish you still fit into yours
There are at least a handful that we can all relate to be a Mother of Small Children!!!
So to our small children ma they keep us on our toes....make our hair fall out or be full of some strange goo...may we wear baby spit up like a new accessory....may be forever love our comfty clothes but secretively keep those skinny pants in hope that someday we will fit into them again....and find a good laugh randomly during the day when you are going through old pictures on the computer and find a cuter picture of your small child that you
Elisa
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