The reason its important to me....is I do not want my children to grow up with the same food issues I had when I was a teenager and early twenties....especially my daughter...I do not want her to do the dumb shit that I did....
It started when I was 17 or 16 years old....I was skinny.....I have never been a heavy kid....I was always lean or skinny.....but when you hit high school pressure to be skinnier hits you hard....I was in swimming mostly year around and I never had a huge amount of self confidence.....and prancing around in a swim suit most of the time made me want to be skinnier....and to top it off I was a life guard....so I lived in my damn swim suit except when I was at school.....and in my close group of friends there were others struggling with the same issues....we just never talked about it....but we knew.....back then my biggest problem was just not eating....aka anorexia.....I didn't become a "pro" at it until after I went to college and put on the freshman 15 thanks to the introduction of beer.....
My pro year is not something I am proud of......but it started in the summer of 1998 continued through the summer of 1999.....where I learned and taught myself that about not eat and if I did actually eat why not purge it....aka bulimia....it was not something I am proud of....when I look back on it....I was dumb as shit....really dumb.....I dropped to 100 pounds....which is for my height of 5'7" is underweight....and just nasty....I had people questioning me....I would go to the chiropractor and he would try to say something, but I would just shrug it off....my reality check came in when I went to visit my then boyfriend (now husband) in Maryland after not seeing him for 5 months....and he was pissed off at me when he saw me...and how small I had become.....I mean really pissed off....I remember him taking me to a fast food joint since he was hungry and he wanted me to eat a damn burger....he sat there with me until I ate it.... and that was a battle of will.....but I knew in my mind that I was dumb....and that I need to stop....or else it would consume me more than it already did.....
When I finally got myself back and went on living my life....life did catch up with me.....especially after I had a baby or two....its a part of life....as you get older your metabolism slows down (unless you are crazy lucky which I totally hate you) and you have to work to actually stay in shape and be healthy.....
After I had Syd I remember just getting out of breath going up the stairs to do laundry....and I wasn't that heavy.....I was at my heaviest but I could have been a whole lot worse.....and I was tired of feeling like that....I wanted to be that mom that could play games outside with her kids and not have to sit down because she couldn't breath....I wanted to go on bike rides with my kids and not have to give up after a quarter mile.....and I wanted to make sure my kids knew that being active is just a part of life.....
So almost 3 years ago I made the decision it was time to suck it up and change but I was not going to go down the treacherous path I did in my younger years.....I have not and will not count calories in anyway shape or form....I know enough from my younger years that is not healthy for me....if I wanted to control my food.....portion control was it....and nothing more....but I also needed to add exercise into my daily life....and man was that hard....I hated it at first....truly hated it....my body revolted against it.....but once I started to see the changes in my body...I was hooked....I was able to do more physical activity with my kids and not break into a sweat....I was able to get my stress out by sweating it out......
Fitness if apart of my life....it's my stress reliever....its part of my "me" time....I do not need to be the skinniest, but I want to be the healthiest that I can be.....to prove to myself that I can do and I have done it!
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